Fingering In The Car Park

The first time I have sex with a woman is always special. I have not one, but potentially three new lovers. I met one of them for the first time today. She is 48 , married and quite lovely. We had lunch. As always, I see how far a new partner wants to go at a first meeting. We held hands and then after lunch, I asked if she would like to chat in my car. She accepted. Before long, we were in an embrace, kissing. We engaged in heavy petting. She was not backward, but soon reached for my groin and found, to her pleasure, that there was something worth holding.

She was wearing trousers, but with an elasticated waist, which means that I was able to discover that she was very wet and probably had been during the whole meal, if not all morning. I suggested driving to my house, but she said that she never goes the whole way on a first date. However, the texts she has since sent me show that there will be no holding back on Monday. I have booked a hotel room for the afternoon. …. Writing this posting has just been interrupted by an email from her, where she is quite explicit. She tells me that she likes to be dominated and wants overpowers and screwing up the arse. (Her words – I am not usually so explicit) Well, anal isn’t something I go for normally, but anything to oblige the lady. I am sure that I will have plenty of opportunity to take her in the more usual orifice as well.

Men like their penises pleasured orally, between breasts and anally, but for me, my greatest pleasure is to have him where he was designed to go. Vaginal sex is all I really need or crave. Let’s hope that on Monday, I will have plenty of it. Now, philanderer that I am, I am also meeting a new woman this evening after leaving the office. I will go home with a smile on my face, I am sure…

Undressing Strangers With The Eyes

Yesterday, gave me no privacy for a posting. I am sorry if you logged in and found nothing new. In an earlier posting, I told you that only three male friends know about my alternative life style. These were chosen carefully as confidents because each had previously told me of their proclivities. When I told one of them, he said something like, ‘I’m amazed.’

I said, ‘Didn’t you think I was that kind of person?’

He said, ‘Well, it’s not that, but you have such a busy career and home life, I can’t believe you have time.’

Yesterday was a day when career and family were all consuming and I had no time either for my secret ladies or for posting to my blog.

Today, I want to give insight into how a philanderer like me thinks. Some would describe me as a wolf or in old fashioned terms ‘a scoundrel’. It may appear that I am always on the lookout for women with whom to have sex. In a sense, it’s true, but because I have been successful at finding lovers, I have control over my urges and don’t have lecherous thoughts where it is inappropriate. My children are grown up and have female friends who are otherwise very desirable, but it is anathema to me to lust after them. I have female staff and, again, I have no sexual thoughts or desires in their direction. The same applies to the wives and girlfriends of friends. These women are not just out of bounds, but out of bounds as far as thought are concerned.

On the other hand, no other half –attractive woman is safe from my desires. This is not to say that I will ever try to force my attentions on a woman, or be rude or crude. My technique is always mild flirtation. If there is a response then things can be taken further. However, my thoughts about women that I meet are often deliciously explicit. I frequently imagine what their feminine parts look like and how they smell and taste, and how firm or soft their breasts feel. I taste their kisses in my imagination and imagine what it is like to penetrate them.

Such thoughts are delicious and give me much pleasure. This means that any train or bus or train journey is an absolute pleasure, as is a walk though any city street. I very much doubt that many men are different and suspect that many women have secret similar thoughts, if they would admit to them.

Tomorrow’s posting is not about thoughts but action…

Weekend Sex With My Wife

My weekend was as predicted with lots of gardening and two long sex sessions with Norma, one Saturday and one, yesterday. Yesterday, for the first time in ages, we had sex in the kitchen, with me lifting Norma onto a work surface, and she putting her legs round me while I was standing. I then sat on an upright chair in the breakfast area, while she straddled me. We then went into the lounge and made it on the settee and the floor. She doesn’t always orgasm these days, which I take some of the blame for, but that wasn’t the case, yesterday or Saturday, though I think Saturday set the tone.

On Saturday, we went into role play which is an occasional treat. She likes rough sex, on the very odd occasion, with me taking her by the hair and forcing myself on her. As usual, she put on clothes that were ready for throwing away. I tore these to get to her breasts and pussy and forced myself on her while she resisted. These are the only occasions when she likes anal. She loves the feeling of being used and abused, but, as mentioned, this is not something for every day. She has to be in the mood – and boy, was she in the mood on Saturday.

I am certain that if I didn’t have other lovers, my sex life with my wife wouldn’t be as half as enjoyable. Now, I’m still trying to get a new lover on board, but more of that tomorrow.

Saturdays

(Written this morning, but no privacy to post till now)

Weekends are rarely a good time for philandering. There has been the odd time when Norma has been away, but it happens rarely. If she is away, I always take advantage of it. This weekend, I will be the good husband, doing those chores that Norma stores up for me during the week. It’s usual for me to exchange a few comments with neighbours over the fence. I think they would be surprised to learn of my other life. Norma and I seem like such a happy and well-suited couple, which we are of course.



I sometimes wonder if Imogen or Cathy, my immediate neighbours would fancy a little extra entertainment while Tony and Phil, their husbands are at work, but it’s too risky to even hint at it. In stead, I will just cast a lingering eye in their direction and wonder what pleasure I might have from either of them. I have a vivid imagination. Having known so many women’s bodies, I have a good idea of what they would be like in bed. I even imagine what their wonderful feminine smell and taste are like. But, it’s not to be with Imogen and Cathy. I will just have to fantasise., but one thing is sure, I never use Norma while thinking of other women. I often did before my first extra-marital experience, but not since. Love making with Norma is better by far because I have other lovers. So, today is Norma’s day. I am feeling horny at the thought of her so I’ll sign off and see what her response will be.

The Joy of One Night Stands

There is nothing like being away from home to stimulate the sexual urge … and when the urge comes, I have learnt not to ignore it. Eight or so years ago, at the age of 54, I was staying in a hotel in one of UK’s major cities. I had heard that there was a jazz club which was mainly frequented by middle-aged singles. As soon as I walked in, I noticed that men were either drinking alone or in pairs and most of the women were in groups.

I walked over to one such group and said, is this table for girls only, or may I join you? They welcomed me, giving the feeling that they had come out to look for the opposite sex. The oldest of the group looked about sixty, but had the figure of an eighteen year old. She was by far the most attractive. Cutting a long story short, she invited me to dance, during which she said, ‘What I’d really like, is to take you home.’ Well, she didn’t take me home. She came to my hotel which was only two minutes walk away. We made love for hours. And then fell asleep. Next morning, she told me that she liked younger men like me. I pointed out that I wasn’t much younger and then she told me her age – 72.

Well, I am now 62, and hope that I still have her sexual energy in ten years’ time.

I have had a few one night stands, but probably only one on average every three years or so, and then almost only when I have been away from home in a big city. I never travel without condoms. I never know when I will get lucky. Because one-night stands are so infrequent. I remember them all – Dawn in Chicago, Francesca in Rome, Katya in Berlin, Rebecca in Nairobi and many more… Today, I meeting a new potential lover for coffee. Oh, the wonders of the internet in finding partners. I’ll tell you more tomorrow…

Lunch Time Liaison

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Well, I met up with Kate at lunch time, yesterday. She brought a travel blanket and we went into the woods. There were lots of people walking dogs, but after some exploration, we found a secluded spot. We both took an extended lunch break and had a delightful time, though I must say that I am never completely at ease in such situations. I’m not at my best when I’m thinking that someone and his dog will walk by seeing my naked rear end going up and down.

The risk is worth it and I came back to my desk feeling much better than when I left. On a previous occasion, Kate and I just couldn’t find anywhere safe enough and so she gave me a blow job in the car. I always feel a little guilty accepting such from a woman. I love to pleasure the woman and don’t believe that a blow job is as good for her. So, while I enjoy it, I prefer reciprocity. However, Kate tells me that she gets a lot of pleasure from giving me oral. As for me, it’s never completely satisfying unless my partner orgasms. Over the years, I have come to achieve this more often than not, which is probably why my lovers come back for more and often prefer me to their husbands, even though in most cases, I am considerably older.

Tomorrow, I will tell you about one of my few experiences with an older woman – I was 27 and she, 46. Watch this space…

Apology to My Readers

Please accept my apology for not making a posting, yesterday. Let me give you a window into my ordinary world. Being a serial philanderer isn’t the whole of my life. I have a full-time career, family members and a wife. I also travel with my work and go on holiday. The secret part of my life is unknown to colleagues, most of my friends and all of my family. It is a small miracle in itself that I find time and privacy to write anything at all.

Yesterday was a day when to write something would have compromised my anonymity.

In spite of that, I have arranged to meet two of my lovers next week. Like a teenager anticipating his first sexual experience, I have that thrill of anticipation . I am already aroused at the thought of touching the soul of my lovers and savouring their bodies. Even at the age of 62, nothing can beat the thrill of sexual arousal, followed by its fulfillment. I was so aroused last night that I tried to arouse Norma, but she was tired. In such circumstances, Norma doesn’t mind if I engage in self gratification. That’s what I did and what I do in between times. I can’t turn arousal off. If I try to, it just builds up to a higher pitch. If I can’t find an outlet through Norma or one of my lovers, I always give myself relief. However, self gratification doesn’t give relief for as long as love making. The arousal soon returns. I look forward to next week immensely, but I just might meet up with Kate for a quickie at lunch time. I’ll tell you if I managed it tomorrow.

The Need For New Experiences - new women

A philanderer is driven by a high sex drive, a need to experience new women. It doesn’t matter how many lovers he has or has had, the current ones are not sufficient, no matter how good sexual relations are with them. There is a need to experience a new personality, a new body. It is need for the whole experience, of the voice, personality, sight, touch, taste and smell. The first time making love is usually a magical experience, almost like the first time ever. The second time one learns more new things, but as time goes on, the newness disappears. The sex is still good, but then there is the attraction of yet another new potential lovers.

So called ‘swingers’ have a continuous experience of the ‘new’ but that is not for me. I want the experience of the whole woman, including personality, and conversation. I want a sense of romance or adventure, which cannot be generated if one meets just for sex. Practical arrangements often prevent my need for a new experience from being available at the time when I precisely feel the need for it. Furthermore, I have never ‘dumped’ a lover. Each of them has known my situation and I am very glad to meet their needs for as long as they need me. I can’t practically manage more than three or perhaps four lovers at a time. I therefore wait for one to break of relations with me before I look for a replacement. There are always exceptions, such as those women with whom I have only very occasional meetings. There are two whom I see only once or twice a year, in addition to those I see frequently.

In my cycle at present, I have two women whom I see very occasionally . It is always special with them because the gaps are so long that I discover them anew each time. There are two others whom I meet much more regularly. I am in the process of finding a new woman to make up the core to three. It is during such a period that I make have sex with a few while we are exploring the possibility of making a permanent arrangement. I am in such a phase at the moment. It is a wonderful and exciting time. Watch this space.

weekends

Weekends are difficult for Illicit Encounters

So, this weekend I spend with my wife. We still make love a couple of times a week, of which once is at weekends, usually in the afternoon or morning, or both. I have that to look forward to this afternoon. What better way to amuse ones self when it's raining?

One benefit of having lovers is that I often get ideas and inspiration from them which I take back into love making with Norma. Of course, Norma has no idea where I have picked up the ideas from. I guess love making with the same partner for forty years could get a bit humdrum without some outside influence.

Keeping in text or email contact with my other ladies is not so easy at weekends, though. It is as difficult for them as for me. Contact is very limited. There are exceptions, such as when Norma went to Wimbledon on a Friday night for the Saturday. I had a whale of a time Friday evening and Saturday, meeting up with one of my lovers on Friday evening and another on Saturday afternoon. I managed to do enough decorating to make it look as if I had had no time to myself.

Well, this weekend, I am with my first love, Norma, and I will make it special for her.

Lies and Secrecy

My principal reason for ensuring that my wife doesn’t find out is for her sake. The truth can be very cruel. You may think I am patronising her, and maybe I am, but it is my judgement. She seems very happy in her marriage to me. We rarely get cross with each other and we have a lot of laughs. Our interests are similar and we have a fantastic sex life, even though both of us have a bus pass.



My wife must never know. Keeping the secret has meant careful planning. I mentioned that in the early days, when communication with lovers was mainly by letter, I always had my lovers address their letters to the previous occupant of the house. I took responsibility for ‘redirection’. I didn't redirect of course, but it meant that my wife never opened that mail.

I rarely kept letters, even though I dearly wanted to. Those that I did keep were hidden in places to which my wife had no access, such as out of the house in a locked cash box in my office draw. However, two of my lovers kept my letters and were not so careful – their husbands found them. It almost brought trouble to my front door, but not quite. In recent years, the use of email and mobile phones has made communication safer. I have two SIM cards for my phone with different numbers,



When I am with a lover, I always make sure that I have an alibi. A handful of trusted male friends help in that respect at times, but there are other ways, too. I was recently at a two day conference. I took three hours off one afternoon. It was spent with Gill. We were both ready for what was a wonderful time. I took my seat back in the conference before the end of the day and asked other delegates what had gone on in the sessions I had missed.



I now have to solve a problem – how do I manage to meet with a potential new lover who lives a very long way from my home and in a part of the country where my work never takes me? This is exercising me, but I will solve the problem. She is desperate to have a lover as she gets nothing at home and is in a continual state of arousal. Whatever I plan, it will not impact on my marriage to Norma. Watch this space.

Yesterday with Joanne

I am sorry that those who logged in, yesterday, didn't see a new posting. It was impossible to get to a computer. I had a long drive to meet up with Joanne, my young lover, the 26 year-old. Both of us were very aroused at the prospect of meeting and her texts were hot enough to give many a man of my age a heart attack.

The hotel was booked and I had checked in when she called me, whispering down the phone. 'My husband has come home a day early. He's just walked in. I'm gutted. Stay hard for me till next time. She hung up.'

Such experiences aren't unusual when two people are trying to hide something from the rest of the world. The important thing is not to take risks. I spoke to her this morning and she told me she had been tempted to tell him that she was popping out to the shops and then make up an excuse for being delayed, but she made the right choice.

In many ways, my heart rules my head, but when it comes to making sure my wife or somebody else's husband doesn't get hurt, the head always wins. That's why I have 'got away with it' for so long.

Every month, at least, a liaison doesn't happen for reason of security. In fact I have lost many thousands of pounds on hotel rooms that haven't been used. Including yesterday, that is twice in a month. It might all seem a lot of effort, and it is, but when one has a high libido and need for romantic liaisons which is as strong as mine, then it is very much worth it.

There is no experience in life so intensely pleasurable than being intimate with a woman, joined in absolute ecstasy. I just can't wait till the next time, which reminds me, Kate has been in touch again...

Energy For Multiple Partners

My need for sex and for new partners seems to go in cycles. I’m always ready to make love, but there are sometimes weeks or months when it is difficult to think of anything else, and when a substantial part of each day is taken by looking for new partners or seeking out old ones for a special evening or afternoon together.

At such times, it is not uncommon for me to have sex with more than one woman in a week, and sometimes even more than one woman the same day. The important thing for me is that each lover must be made to feel special and loved and must not experience a diminished performance from me because I am literally ‘shagged out.’

There was so much going on last week on the sex front that I couldn’t write about everything, but there was one day when I was scheduled to see one of my lovers at her home at 11 a.m. and another one at a hotel at 6 p.m. Stella, looked as lovely as ever when I went to her home. We had a glass of sparkling water and gradually moved into kissing and foreplay, ending up in bed around noon. We made love till two thirty, during which time, she orgasmed twice. At two thirty, she jumped out of bed, declaring that I must leave soon. She wanted to change the bedding and make everything normal before her daughter came from school.

I’m not sure she realized, but I hadn’t orgasmed. I had enjoyed the sex immensely, but I was slightly relieved that I hadn’t cum. At 62, I find that an orgasm in the afternoon diminishes my ability to perform in the evening. I can still perform OK, but I’m not at my best.

I drove from Stella’s, called in the office for a couple of hours and then drove to the hotel I had booked. I took a shower and made every part of me scrupulously clean. I then when down to the bar, and met Vicky, the second youngest of my lovers. We each took a glass of wine to the room and, to my delight, there was no diminution of performance. Love making brought incredibly wonderful sensations for both of us for almost three hours. She orgasmed at just after nine pm, and I then followed suit. We lay chatting in each others’ arms for half an hour and then went our separate ways.

Five and a half hours of love making in a day is better than a visit to the gym but much more enjoyable. Tear up your gym membership cards and take someone to bed…

Adultery Keeps Marriages Togeth

Norma, my wife, and I are still lovers, after 42 years, of which 38, we have been married. It is usual for us to make love on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, as happened this weekend. This coming week, I am probably meeting up with Joanne, the youngest of my lovers at 26. It is a great privilege to be in a sexual relationship with someone so lovely. She is very beautiful and intelligent, happily married with a child, but she says that I ‘press the buttons’ that her husband doesn’t. More of Joanne, later.

Three months ago, my daughter came to see me in acute distress. Her husband had told her he was leaving. She is a beautiful girl, with a Masters degree. They have a lovely home and two delightful children. Her husband, Tom, is a very nice young man. Together they have a big mortgage.

He has now left my daughter to set up home with a young woman with three small children. She left her husband. When I spoke to my son-in-law about what he was doing, he said he was impossibly in love with the new woman and that he could not envisage life without her. In fact when he was engaged to my daughter, he told me that he was impossibly in love with her and could not live without her.

The heightened sensation of being in love rarely lasts a year after a relationship has started and is replaced by a different kind of loving bond. I have no doubt that Tom will not be in the same sort of love with his new woman this time next year. There is a terrible tragedy of two families ripped apart and five children being removed from one of their parents. If only Tom had simply had a secret affair, then in time, the feeling of ‘in love-ness’ would have faded. There are many good reasons for divorce, of which ill treatment is one, but sexual infidelity should be used as an outlet for being in love, rather than the outlet being the break-up of a relationship.

I would be horrified if Joanne wanted to leave her husband for me. In stead, we will have a wonderful time this week making love and going back to our happy existence with unsuspecting partner. Next posing will be on the art of deception.

Ps, if you enjoy this blog, please put the web address on any site where you are allowed, and email it to your friends.

Lipstick On Your Collar - tell tale signs

Illicit encounters often leave tell tale signs. It’s the lipstick on the collar syndrome. So it is with my liaison with Kate. I never return from seeing her without a trace of her perfume on my clothes.

We met at the restaurant at six and were the first customers. We were given a table by the window. It was foolhardy to accept it. Anyone could have seen us, but my strategy is always to behave normally. It was the romantic occasion I had envisaged. We then drove in separate cars to her friend’s house. We stepped inside and immediately, she pushed the front door shut and flung her arms round me. There was a long, lingering kiss before going into the lounge. On the coffee table, in an ice bucket, was a bottle of champagne, with a note, ‘Have a wonderful evening.’ We drunk only half, because we were driving, but it was a wonderful aid to the ambience.

The next two hours were wonderful. Before leaving, I showered – perfume transfers from one to the other’s skin. Normally, I wear a suit to work, but yesterday, I wore jacket and trousers, with a spare jacket in my car. Before setting off home, I changed jackets and put the one I had worn in the boot. It was carrying the scent of Kate’s perfume.

Kate drove home smiling and looking radiant. We had both had a wonderful time. I was home by 10:15. Norma was watching the television. She asked me make her a cocoa and put a cognac in it, which I did, making one for me, too. She didn’t ask about how my business dinner had gone. We chatted about our forthcoming holiday for the final hour of the day.

My wife is lovely, and completely unsuspecting. Long may that continue…

Now this morning, I received a text from Gemma. She is an occasional lover and by far the youngest in current years - 28. It looks like I may be seeing her soon, too. I let you know what transpires. And oh, yes did I tell you that there is a new lady on the horizon. Watch this space…

Lies, Deception and Adultery

I am taking a client to dinner this evening. That's what my wife thinks. Kate is going for a birthday drink with a work colleague. That's what her partner thinks. In fact, Kate and I are going for an early meal and then to one of her friends houses. Her friend is in the picture and is going out so that we can be alone.

Infidelity necesitates deception and, frankly lies, but they are usually lies with good intentions. If I go out to buy my wife a realy expensive birthday present and she asks me where I have been, I would lie and say that I had to call into the office. If my wife puts on a bit of weight and says, 'I'm getting fat, aren't I?', I would be incredibly cruel to agree, even if agreeing is the truth. These examples of lies are just as much lies as the lie I tell about tonight. In fact, the motive in telling them is not to cause hurt.

There will be some who say it is OK to lie if you don't want to hurt your partner's feelings about her weight, but it is not OK if you are lying about sleeping with another woman. This leaves me to conclude that it that about which people lie that is the issue, not the lie itself. We come back to square one: the rights and wrongs of having extra-marital relationships.

That is a theme through this blog and will recur often, but not today. So, I am so much looking forward to being with Kate. She has had a tough time, relationship-wise. Recently, she has been so sexually and romantically frustrated that she has wept. I'm taking her to her favourite restaurant. As usual, we will hold hands across the table and spend time looking into each other's eyes. There will be lots of smiles and warmth. When we get to her friends house, we'll kick off our shoes and cuddle on the settee, spending time kissing and cuddling - a favourite pass time for both of us. She always says I'm the best kisser in town. Slowly, the petting will become more and more intimate and then... (I don't do explicit) it will be heaven for both of us.

I shall return from the business dinner, looking relaxed and a little tired. Kate will go back to her partner having had a wonderful time with the girls from work. No harm done. No one hurt. I'll tell you tomorrow whether the expectation meets reality.

Will She, Won't She - Coping With Guilt

Continued from the previous two postings.

Kate sent me a text this morning, saying that she would see me tomorrow but that she is having a struggle with her conscience. Will her 'morals' or libido win the day?

It took me years to come to terms with my own infidelity. I got married in church to a beautiful young woman. I promised to be faithful, 'so long as we both shall live.' As mentioned in previous posts, I suffered incredible guilt for years about my infidelity. I tried priests, faith healers and even my GP, asking them to cure me of an irresistable sex drive. My GP sent me to a behavioural psychologist who termed me a deviant. His method of 'cure' was to adopt strategies for coping - diverson tactics. It wasn't exactly the cold shower approach, but similar - take arduous exercise when the temptations are coming on or else go somewhere where you can't get up to mischief - like taking your wife away for the weekend.

It didn't work. It was tantamount to one half of the brain controlling the other against its will. That course of therapy made me feel even worse. Not only had it failed, but I had been diagnosed as a deviant. I then found Hazel, a therapist, of the Carl Rogers school. I was nervous for my first appointment. I would die of embarrassment telling this married woman that I was a serial adulterer. Carol let me do most of the talking but now and again asked a question. It was all very matter of fact. She made no value judgements. She just wanted to know how my mind worked. The counselling went on for two years and, very gradually, I came to realise that I am me. I can no more change my basic instincts than can someone who is gay. I came to love myself and accept myself as I am.

Towards the end of that therapy, I read about a tooth being found in a gravel pit - Britains oldest known human remains. I drove to that gravel pit. It looked like a building site behind a chain link fence. I sat in my car alone with my thoughts. My sexual urges had seemed, and still seem, primaeval. It is such urges that have populated the world and kept the gene pool diverse. I was in my car next to a site where our ancient ancestors had been, feeling an affinity with them and their basic instincts. (Whether they were any more promiscuous than our present generation, I don't know, but I gained a sense of wonder believing they were.)

Hazel was a superb therapist and I thank her for the peace of mind I now have. The irony is that almost two years after my last appointment with her she phoned me. 'It is two years since you were my client, isn't it?' I agreed. 'So we are past the three month rule? I need a cuddle', she said. The three month rule is the British Association for Counselling's 'law' that a therapist may not enter into a relationship with someone within three months of their being a client.

I drove to see her. Her husband had left her and taken the children. She cried and cried, hugging me, sobbing heavily - and then she seduced me. I didn't take much persuading. A few days later, she sent me a card with the words, 'Thanks for the therapy'. In it was 25 pounds - the price she used to charge me for one counselling session.

So, Kate? What about her guilt? It would be wrong and patronising for me to tell her that she shouldn't feel guilty. That can only come from within.

I'll tell you on Friday how it went.

Post Script: I have been contacted by somebody who read this posting who is connected with the British Association for Counselling. He or she wanted to whistle blow, saying that the BAC's rule is that a therapist may not enter into a relationship with a client for two years after the last appointment. He wanted Hazel, my former therapist, struck off. The complainer represnts the attitudes I am trying to transform. Hazel was a caring, loving person with needs. The person who contacted me was absolutely wrong - the rule when it happened was three months, not two years. The rule changed. In any event, Hazel never practised again. This was a great shame, because she transformed my life and that of countless others. However, her integrity would not let her continue, in any event. She is a great loss to the profession.

Kate Asked Me to Phone

Kate, my lover of 12 years had recently set up home with a man. She was delighted and had told me that our long-term affair must now change into 'Just good friends.' I was very happy for her. And then, recently, she sent me a text saying that there was no life in the bedroom with her man. We arranged for me to put right what was missing this coming Thursday. Today, a further text said, 'I feel so guilty. I shouldn't be betraying him.'

Kate is a lovely person. We have had so many happy and romantic times together. There have been candle-lit dinners followed by deliciously carnal times. There have been walks in the woods, full of laughter and very naughty antics - chasing her through the trees and then seeing her bend forward, gripping a tree at arm's length and throwing up her dress at the back, waiting for me to take advantage - which i always did.

She never had qualms about the fact that I am married. Now, she has a conscience because she lives with a man about whom she cares. She doesn't want to be unfaithful. She tells me that they have no physical intimacy.

My position in supporting her is not straightforward. The wolf in me wants to have her on Thursday. The man in me wants her to have perfect equanimity - complete peace of mind. The man in me almost always wins, but helping her to have equanimty is easier said than done. If she doesn't 'sleep' with me on Thursday, I know that she will be frustrated to the point of tears. If she does 'sleep' with me then I know that we will have a magical time, but she will almost certainly be dogged with guilt afterwards.

Been there? I have and it took years to reach that place of peace of mind.

I will let you know what transpires,

Kate Phoned

Newcomers would benefit from reading postings in sequence:

Kate phoned yesterday. She has been living with her new man for several months. She said, 'He is absolutely lovely. I adore him and he is so good to me, but there is one thing missing. There's nothing physical and it's so hard for me.'

Previously, Kate had said that our affair of ten years was over. She wanted to be loyal to her new man. I accepted this with a good heart and genuinely was pleased for her new found happiness.

So, yesterday, I told her that I am here for her and that if she needs me, then she should only ask. Her reply was, 'I could see you a week on Thursday.' It's a date.

It is many months since I slept with her and am already feeling a stirr of sexual excitement. It is always passionate with Kate.

I'll tell you how it goes.

I also received a text yesterday from another long-standing lover, Penny. Penny is the youngest of my lovers in recent years. She lied about her age when we first met and added six years. That was seven years ago and she is still only 29.

She works in a design studio and lives a number of miles away, but three or four times a year, we have a pleasant evening which always ends up with intimacy.

I'm seeing her on Monday evening, so next week looks like being a good one.

I'll keep you posted.